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#12
August 8th, 2008, 07:24
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I went to play golf for the first time in about 3 years this week.
I went down to the local course and since I'd not played for a while I asked the Pro (who by the way is a mate of mine) if he fancied a round to give me a few tips to improve my game, or at least get it back where it was 3 years ago. So, am standing on the First, get my driver out (always a mistake) I wind back and release.... Ball goes about 25 yrds (barely makes it past the ladies tee, but did so saved the obligatory penalty!) so I ask my mate what was wrong. His answer.... 'LOFT!' I probed for more, but he would not elaborate. Any way, bit scratchy, but work our way around the course. We get to the 11th, I'm in the fringe (not always a pain, but not the best from a Golfing perspective) so dilema, chip from the fringe or putt from the rough... So I elect for the wedge. Well, I get too good a contact and the ball goes sailing past the hole, over the green and into the bunker on the other side. so I ask my mate what was wrong. His answer.... 'LOFT!' I probed for more, but he would not elaborate. Any way, cut a long story short, got to the last, I'm three feet from the hole, and well I 4 putt (IT WAS WET!!!) so I ask my mate what was wrong. His answer.... 'LOFT!' I'm steaming by now, so I say, 'Look, I fluff a drive and your answer is LOFT' 'I chip from the finge and over hit it, and your answer is LOFT' 'I can't putt for toffee, and your answer is LOFT' 'What in the world do you mean by LOFT' His Answer 'LACK' 'OF' 'F***ING' 'TALENT' FOR SALE - 1 Slightly used bag of Golf Clubs 
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#14
August 8th, 2008, 07:43
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I've got loads.... perhaps we should have a jokes thread!
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#16
August 8th, 2008, 11:44
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First round finished...
-2...Leading but there isnt much between the top 50 players (5 shots)...it seemed that the course gets a lot harder after the first five or six holes and some of the players who got to -4 failed to break par.
To me the greens are starting to look a little bare and this can only make things a lot harder over the next three rounds as balls wont be stopping and the putts will be like lightning... I have had a couple of quid on Charles Howell 111 at 275/1 (betdaq) which i think is massive seeings hes only 2 over. Also Arron Baddley at 80/1 who is +1 is masive. There is some good value to be had at the moment as i see the winning score being over par and maybe even as high as +4 or +5.
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#17
August 8th, 2008, 11:59
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Have you heard this one...
Bloke speaking to his mate in the clubhouse says " Really sorry to hear about you and Patsy splitting up. You were always up here playing golf together and always seemed to be having a great time"
"We did" said the other bloke, " but im sure you heard why we split up" " I did...that must have come as a great shock to find the woman you married all those years ago was really a man, if that was me i would be mad and would make sure she got nothing when the divorce was drawn up. Geez that must have hurt to find that out ? " " Well " said the other bloke, i could have put up with knowing she was born a bloke but the one thing that i couldnt forgive was that for the last fifteen years playing golf together.......... She always went off the Ladies tees.... 
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#18
August 8th, 2008, 19:54
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lol
Nice one's Capt and Tony
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#19
August 9th, 2008, 15:09
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Ok - my turn....
Husband and wife both play golf, both average handicaps and one day he decides his going to go to the pro and get some tips. So... off he trotts and see the pro. The pro wants to see his swing, so he tees up, winds back and release. He slices the ball badly. The pro says, 'Right, Your problem is Grip.' I want you to grip the club as if you are making love to your wife. Caress it, treat it as if it is special, love it, love your club. Now try again. Slowly he starts his backlift, he can barely feel the club in his hand. He reaches the top of the swing, and starts the downward action. He powers through the ball, and a great follow through, finishing in that all important 'photo' position. The ball has gone like a rocket straight down the middle, and hits the fence with a bang 200 yards away. Wow.... he says, that is fantastic, I've got to get my wife to try this. So the next weekend, He encourages his wife to go to the Pro. So... off she trotts and see the pro. The pro wants to see her swing, so she tees up, winds back and release. She hooks the ball badly. The pro says, 'Right, Your problem is Grip.' I want you to grip the club as if you are making love to your husband. She has another go, but its just as bad The Pro says, right lets try that again, and this time, take the club out of your mouth. Hope its not over anyone mark - never like to offend any one.
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#20
August 10th, 2008, 08:30
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Hopefully..............
Steve Flesch can hold on to his top six spot and reward the e/w backers at 500/1.......
Nearly two rounds today for most of the field so its the survival of the fitest...hoprfully one of our picks can go on and win....  Shouild be a great days golfing for us armchair fans... 
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