Old Timers .. Test Your Brain
 

Test Your Brain
This is really cool.


ALZHEIMER'S EYE TEST
(I love this part.. Its absolutely amazing!)


Count every "F" in the following text: :smoke:



FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI
FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS.....
(SEE BELOW)



HOW MANY 'F's?









Count them again.













WRONG, THERE ARE 6 -- no joke..



READ IT AGAIN !

Really, go back and try to find the 6 'F's before you scroll down.

The reasoning behind this is further down.











The brain cannot process "OF".

F INISHED F ILES ARE THE RE
SULT O F YEARS O F SCIENTI
F IC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE O F YEARS.....

Incredible or what?

Anyone who counts all 6 'F's on the first go is a genius.
If you managed that, you are either a genius ..... or don't have Alzheimer's.
It is your turn to see how many of your friends belong in an old age home!
..


Three is normal , four is quite rare.

Send this to your (older!) friends.
It will drive them crazy....
And keep them occupied
For several minutes..! :t:


..

The ex-wife! :smoke:

Tom finally decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend.

One evening after the honeymoon, he was cleaning one of his hot rods for an upcoming show.His wife was standing there at the bench watching him.

After a long period of silence she finally speaks.

"Honey, I've just been thinking, now that we are married, maybe it's time you quit spending all your time out here in the
garage and you probably should just consider selling all your cars along with your gun collection."


Tom gets this horrified look on his face.
She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"

"There for a minute you were starting to sound like my ex-wife."

"Ex wife!", she screams, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!

Tom's reply: "I wasn't 3:-)

He's got 3 points of contact o:D

Two Women from Ireland ...:gh::gh:

Two women were sitting next to each other at a bar. After a while one looks at the other and says, “I can’t help but think, from listening to you, that you’re from Ireland .

The other woman responds proudly, “Yes, I sure am!”

The first one says, “So am I! And where about in Ireland are ya from?

The other woman answers, “I’m from St. John’s , I am.”

The first one responds, “So, am I! And what street did you live on?”

The other woman says, “A lovely little area it was in the west end. I lived on Warbury Street in the old central part of town.”

The first one says, “Faith and it’s a small world. So did I! So did I! And what school did ya go to?”

The other woman answers, “Well now, I went to Holy Heart of Mary, of course.”

The first one gets really excited and says, “And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?”

The other woman answers, “Well, now, let’s see. I graduated in 1964.”

The first woman exclaims, “The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same pub tonight. Can you believe it! I graduated from Holy Heart of Mary in 1964 me self.


About this time, Michael walks into the bar, sits down and orders a beer.

Brian, the bartender, walks over to Michael, shaking his head and mutters, “It’s going to be a long night tonight.” ;)

Michael asks, “Why do you say that, Brian?” :smoke:

Brian answers,


“The Murphy twins are drunk again.” :-O

Naked Cowboy :t:

A sheriff in a small town in Texas walks out in the street and sees a blond haired cowboy coming toward him with nothing on but his cowboy hat, his gun and his boots.

He arrests him for indecent exposure.

As he is locking him up, he asks
'Why in the world are you walking around naked like this?' |<|

The cowboy says:
'Well it's like this, Sheriff ... I was in this bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her. So I did.
We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt. So I did.
Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants. So I did. Then she pulls off her undies and asks me to pull off my shorts. So I did.
Then she gets on the bed and looks at me with a real sexy look and says, 'OK, now go to town, cowboy.. ' o:)

'So here I am.' :smoke:





(Son of a Gun. Blonde Men do exist!) :-O

apologies
 

Do you know why bikes fall over?











Because they are two tyred |:S|

A b​londe heard that baths in milk would make her beautiful.
​ ​
She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk. ​ ​
When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. ​ ​
He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. ​ ​
So he knocked on the door to clarify the point. ​ ​
The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk.Did you mean 2.5 gallons? ​ ​
"The blonde said, "No, I want 25 gallons. ​ ​
I'm going to fill my bath tub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again. ​
​
"The milkman asked, "Does it have to be pasteurized?
Wait for it ....


Wait for it .....



The blonde said,

"No, just up to my tits ... I can splash it on my eyes.. 3:-)

Could you make the letter's a bit bigger Tony , I've lost my glasses ;)

o:D

I copied and pasted it that size......:loveme:

.. Dear Lord. even the neighbour over the road seen that and laughed :'D

The Caddy
 

Then the Caddy Speaks

David Feherty does a standup show that is quite spectacular. It's all about his life in golf, the drinking and lots of stories about life on the tour.

Here's one of his stories:


It was back in the 70s and a soon-to-be prominent golfer (Ray Floyd) was playing at Augusta for his first Masters. Back then the players could not bring their own caddies but had to use one of the locals. Floyd told the caddy master he wanted a big fellow who could handle his bag, but who also would keep quiet, no advice needed.



The caddy who was assigned Floyd said, "Hello Mr. ...........".

Floyd said "Hello." And followed that with, "That's the last I want to hear from you."



Everything went well until the 10th hole when Floyd pushed his drive into the right trees on the par 4. After surveying the scene he said out loud, "I'm going to hit a low fade out through that opening to carry and land mid green and then roll over the crest down near the hole."

Surprisingly he pulled it off exactly and turned to his caddy and said,

"How's that?" :loveme:



The caddy spoke for the first time and said, "That wasn't your ball." :'D

Feherty is really funny, when he won the Scottish Open he went on the drink and took the trophy with him. After 2 days he woke up on the 16th green at Gleneagles, he won it in Loch Lomond 45 miles away, not remembering anything, including where he left the 100 year old trophy. They still haven't found it :loveme: Now that is a session to be proud of.

I wonder if Benny's neighbour like that one ....o:D

Had to get rid of my dog today ......:-C

He kept digging up the bloody garden .....:'D

After waiting for what seemed like an eternity, the stewardess announces over the intercom that "we're just waiting for the pilots."
The passengers look out the window and see two men, dressed as pilots walking towards the plane. Both men are using guide dogs and appear to be blind. There are murmurs among the passengers, and some believe it is a joke.
The men board the plane and go into the cockpit. More concerned murmurs and uneasy chuckles from the passengers. The plane taxis normally to the runway and begins it's takeoff. As passengers look out the window they realize they are nearing the end of the runway. The entire passenger cabin begins screaming but the plane lifts off just before the end of the runway. The passengers calm down and chuckle to themselves, at this point believing that they fell for a joke.
In the cockpit, the pilot turns to his copilot and says "you know, one day those people are gonna scream too late and we're all gonna die!"

Hahahaha :D :D :D :D love it Dobie :eat:

Hahahaha :clap: :clap:

https://scontent-lhr3-1.xx.fbcdn.net...3e&oe=57543E35



Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.'

The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano?' 'Yes, Father, it is.' 'And who was the girl you were with?'

'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation.'

"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now.

Was it Tina Minetti?" 'I cannot say.' 'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?' 'I'll never tell.' 'Was it Nina Capelli?' 'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'

'Was it Cathy Piriano?' 'My lips are sealed Father.' 'Well then, was it Rosa DiAngelo?' 'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'

The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone.

You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.'

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?' 'Four month's vacation and five excellent Leads.'


:t:

I think it's safe to say that this thread has now become 'Tony's Facebook Joke Page' 3:-)

Steve has his own 'Dating Site Adds' to keep him busy 3:-)

Time for me to start up the old, 'Self Preservation Society Group' me thinks ;)

I always wondered where that went .....:news:

I will leave this one to you although i have invaded it a little to much ...:hippy:

Im going to start a new Tony's facebook page just for my BIG pictures....o:D

No it's ok , do whatever 3:-)

I just thought that with Steve's adverts for Asian and Muslim women dating sites, and your facebook pictures we might as well see if we can't ask Sam Alladyce what's the chances of him giving his opinon on Football 3:-)

Of course i could also ask Donald Trump to explain what he meant by the size of his dick ??

F'cking world's gone mad so we might as well join in on here :hippy:

Public Notice
 

Public Notice :news:

Why not join for free and become a member see what the other members get up to in the Horse racing tipsters section :king:

See what your missing in the racing section |>| This one from our ol mate Danny ... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8n1REHIMqzc .. 3:-)

This is funny

http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=...AP&PC=RIMBINGD

Thats is superb ....o:D

Have you heard about the bloke who sued British Airways for losing his luggage :news:

















He lost his case o:D

Two sisters go on holiday to the Caribbean they meet this Jamaican tour guide who shows then round the Island and they both fancy him so decide to share him. They spend two weeks taking turns to make love and party. Then at the end of their holiday and about to leave he drives them to the airport. On the way the sisters ask him. " We've had a lovely holiday and time with you and we don't even know your name. "My name is Snow." he said,! The girls start laughing. " What's so funny, he asks." "When we get home our Friends will never believe we had ten inches of Snow in the Caribbean

Classic
 

Murphy, a furniture dealer from Dublin, decided to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he could find.

After arriving in Paris, he visited with some manufacturers and selected a line that he thought would sell well back home. To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a small bistro and have a glass of wine.

As he sat enjoying his wine, he noticed that the small place was quite crowded, and that the other chair at his table was the only vacant seat in the house.

Before long, a very beautiful young Parisian girl came to his table, asked him something in French (which Murphy could not understand), so he motioned to the vacant chair and invited her to sit down.

He tried to speak to her in English, but she did not speak his language. After a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it to her. She nodded, so he ordered a glass of wine for her.

After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded. They left the bistro and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music.

They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing. She nodded, and they got up to dance. They danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing up.

Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a four-poster bed. ;)




To this day, Murphy has no idea how she figured out he was in the furniture business. :smoke:

The Newfoundland Department of Employment, claimed a boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent to Burin to investigate him.

GOVT AGENT: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them".

Boat Owner: "Well, there's Clarence, my hired hand, he's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board.

Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Lamb's rumand a dozen Labatt Lite every Saturday night so he can cope with life.

He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally".

GOVT AGENT: "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one". |8.|


Boat Owner: "That'll be me. What'd you want to know"? .. 8-P

The New Small Car
 

Renault and Ford have joined forces to create the perfect small car for women.

Mixing the Renault 'Clio' and the Ford 'Taurus' they have designed the 'Clitaurus'. It comes in pink, and the average male car thief won't be able to find it - let alone turn it on - even if someone tells him where it is and how to do it.

Rumour has it, though, that it leaks transmission fluid once a month, and can be a real bitch to start in the morning!
Some have reported that on cold winter mornings, when you really need it, you can't get it to turn over.

New models are initially fun to own, but very costly to maintain, and horribly expensive to get rid of.
Used models may initially appear to have curb appeal and a low price, but eventually have an increased appetite for fuel,
and the curb weight typically increases with age.

Manufacturers are baffled as to how the size of the trunk increases, but say that the paint may just make it LOOK bigger.

This model is not expected to reach collector status.

Most male owners find it is best to lease one, and replace it each year. :D

Men's Restroom Mural
 

Men's Restroom Mural-------- Read before looking at picture... 8-P

Edge Designs is an all-women run company that designs interior office space.
They had a Recent opportunity to do an office project in NYC.

The client allowed the women of this
Company a free hand in all design aspects.
The client was a company that was also
Run by all women execs.............

The result.........well.....We all know that
Men never talk, never look at each other....
And never laugh much in the restroom....
The men's room is a serious and quiet place...
But now...with the addition of one mural
On the wall......lets just say the men's
Restroom is a place of laughter and smile :-O

Right over the border of Northern Germany in Denmark there are a couple of "Fleggaard" supermarkets (belonging to the Costco family) where you really find everything your heart craves, especially high tech and household appliances; a lot cheaper than in Germany. For this commercial, more than 100 skydiver women jumped from a transport plane, you see them in free fall forming the ad text: "SIEMENS washing machine for only 269 Euros".


Called "quite simply the best commercial ever made" by a respected advertising expert.


http://player.vimeo.com/video/574680...d=media-player 8-P

Needed to rant!!!

What the actual **** !!!!!!��������

I have just left Asda and I have NEVER been so disgusted in all my life...
The nerve of some people OMG I am fuming!!!! ���� anyways Picked up a basket started walking around to get a few things and I noticed this lady was staring at me in the same aisle I was in. No big deal. I moved to the next aisle and here she comes. Again... STARING AT ME! So now I'm like, "What the **** is her problem?!"
I finish up our shopping and head to the tills. Guess who is there ahead of me? The staring lady!! She turns around and starts staring at me again. So I start playing with my phone because at this point it's getting weird and really uncomfortable! Finally she says, "I want to apologize for staring at you, but you look just like my Son who passed away."
I thought to myself, "It makes sense now." I felt kind of bad for thinking she was a weirdo and said, "Sorry for your loss." She says, "Thank you...but I have a favor to ask. I know it's weird and I'll understand if you don't want to, but can you give me a hug and say 'Bye Mum!?' I was like what the **** , but I know people have different ways of getting over a loss so I went ahead and did it.
She smiled and thanked me, and left at this point i was like as if thats just happened. Anyway the cashier rings up my stuff and the total comes out to £100.87 and I'm like, what the **** !
I just bought a few things and I knew it should have been like £20. The women then tells me that my total was included with my mums. I'm like, "WTH?!" She said, "Your mum said you were paying for her stuff along with your things. I told her that that woman was NOT my mum. She said, "Well I saw you hug her and heard you call her mum!
I'm like OMG! I can't believe this! I flew out of the store looking for this awful woman, ready to drag her back in the store by her hair!!! I seen her putting her shopping in the boot and I started running towards her. She saw me and jumped in her car so fast. I got to her just as she was putting her leg in, and I started pulling her leg. She struggled but I kept pulling then her prosthetic leg came off right in my hands!!

Im thinking, OMG! Is this really happening right now?!
So I dropped the prosthetic leg and grabbed her other leg and started pulling...




Just like I'm pulling yours right now! :D

This is a genuine advert from 1964 when WD-40 was first released.



Their advertising department had a wonderful way with words !!?? 3:-)

http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=...AP&PC=RIMBINGD

Don't think this would be allowed over here. The company behind it originally said the Western press were being over sensitive when they branded it racist 3:-)

Two Ladies Were Talking In Heaven. o:)o:)

What The Second Woman Concluded In The End Is Pure Gold.


1st woman: Hi, Wanda!

2nd woman: Hi, Sylvia! How’d you die?

1st woman: I froze to death.

2nd woman: How horrible!

1st woman: It wasn’t so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy. Eventually I died a peaceful death. What about you?

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early so that I could catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman: So, what happened?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking.

I ran up into the attic and searched. Then I scurried down into the basement.

After that, I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere!

Finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.


1st woman: Too bad you didn’t look in the freezer.!! - We’d both still be alive. o:)

A RIDE IN THE TAXI

A woman and her twelve-year-old son were riding in a taxi in Detroit. It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under awnings.

"Mom," said the boy, "what are all those women doing?"

"They're waiting for their husbands to get off work," she replied.

The taxi driver turns around and says,
"Geez lady, why don't you tell him the Truth? They're hookers, boy!
They have sex with men for money."

The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true Mom?"

His mother, glaring hard at the driver, answers in the affirmative.

After a few minutes, the kid asks, "Mom, if those women have babies, what happens to them?"

She smiled and said; "Most of them become taxi drivers!!!" . :-O

A little girl is sitting by the road with a wicker basket and sign which reads FREE KITTENS

A large car pulls up and David Cameron gets out and walks up to the little girl
"How old are your kittens?" he asks

The little girls says "They're only a few days old, their eyes aren't open yet"
What kind of kittens are they" asks David Cameron

"They're Remain in the EU kittens" says the little girl |8(|
Cameron sees a PR opportunity and asks if the little girl will be there the next day. She says she will be so he drives back to Downing Street,
meets with his advisers and starts making phone calls

The next day the little girl is there again, and Cameron's car turns up followed by a convoy of cars and trucks. There is the BBC, ITV, Sky, CNN
and all the UK papers
They all get out and set up their camers and so on, and Cameron goes up to the little girl
"Hello, again" he says "would you mind telling all my friends what kind of kittens you have?"

"They're Brexit kittens" says the little girl |:D|
Cameron is horrified and says "Yesterday you said they were Remain in the EU kittens!"

"I know" says the little girl "But that was yesterday, today their eyes are open o:):eat:

Englands Exit From The Euro's
 

After the game in the Euro's Bobby Charlton was asked how he thought the England team of '66 would have fared against Iceland.

" I think we'd have won 1-0 " he replied. |<|

"Only 1-0?" Retorted the reporter. :eek!:


"Yes," said Bobby. "Most of us are in our 70's now!" :'D

REPLACEMENT WINDOWS

Last year
I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive, double-pane, energy-efficient kind. :t:

Today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them.

He complained that the work had been completed a year ago and I still hadn't paid for them. :smoke:

Hellloooo,............just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. :hippy:

So, I told him just what his fast-talking sales guy told me last year...
that these windows would pay for themselves in a year,,,

Helllooooo?
It's been a year, so they're paid for, I told him..

There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally hung up. He never called back.
I bet he felt like an idiot. :D

Police Do Care
 

Police Report of the Year

The Richland, WA Police report finding a man's body in the Columbia River,
near the confluence of the Yakima River, at Columbia park. :eek!:

The dead man's name will not be released until his family has been notified.

The victim apparently drowned due to excessive marijuana consumption. :flyaway:

He was wearing black fishnet stockings, a red garter belt, a pink G-string, a strap-on dildo, purple lipstick, and a 'Hillary for President' T-shirt.
He also had a cucumber in his rectum. :D

The police removed the Hillary T-shirt to spare his family any unnecessary embarrassment. :clap:

In spite of what we sometimes think, the Police do care. 3:-)