Benny the Dip is Unwell !!

[bennythedip2]

An older lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat tight so that it would not blow away in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said,
"Pardon me, madam.....I do not intend to be forward but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"

"Yes, I know," said the lady. "I need both my hands to hold onto this hat."

"But madam, you must know that you are not wearing any panties and your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest.

The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied,
"Sir, anything you see down there is 75 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"

[bennythedip2]

On the moon ?

On July 20, 1969, as commander of the Apollo 11 lunar module, Neil
Armstrong was the first person to set foot on the moon.

His first words after stepping on the moon,
"that's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind," were televised to earth and heard by millions.

But just before he re-entered the Lander, he made the enigmatic remark,
"Good Luck, Mr. Gorsky."

Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some
rival soviet cosmonaut.

However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or
American space programs.

Over the years, many people questioned Armstrong as to what the -
'Good Luck, Mr. Gorsky' statement meant, but Armstrong always just
smiled.

On July 5, 1995, in Tampa bay, Florida, while answering questions
following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26-year-old question
about Mr. Gorsky to Armstrong.

This time he finally responded because Mr. Gorsky had died, so Neil
Armstrong felt he could now answer the question. Here is the answer to
"who was Mr. Gorsky":

In 1938, when he was a kid in a small mid-western town, he was playing
baseball with a friend in the backyard. His friend hit the ball, which
landed in his neighbor's yard by their bedroom window. His neighbors
were Mr. And Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young
Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky,

"SEX ! You want SEX ?? You'll get sex when the kid next door walks on the moon"........

It broke the place up.

Neil Armstrong's family confirmed this is a true story.

[bennythedip2]

At a bar, Archie approaches Zoe, a pretty girl drinking by herself.

He tries to make conversation, offers to buy her a drink, when suddenly she yells, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight, you pig!"

Everyone in the bar stops and stares. Completely embarrassed, Archie slinks back to his table with a red face.

After a few minutes, Zoe walks over to him and apologizes.
She smiles and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. I'm a graduate student in psychology, and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing public situations."

To which Archie responds, as loudly as possible,

"What do you mean $200 for a BJ?!"

[bennythedip2]

MAD Mary was whizzing round the mental hospital in her wheelchair when she was stopped by crazy Carl. "licence please" said Carl.

Mary sped off round the corner and bumped into loony Leon, "Insurance please" said Leon.

Off zoomed Mary again until she was stopped by donkey DAVE NAKED with A EIGHT INCH hard on.

"Oh No" !! cried MARY not the BREATHALIZER AGAIN

[bennythedip2]

Owen took his blind date to the carnival.

"What would you like to do first, Jane?" asked Owen.
"I want to get weighed," she admitted.

They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.

Next, the couple went on the Ferris wheel. When the ride was over, Owen again asked Jane what she would like to do.

"I want to get weighed," she repeated. So back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Owen lost his dollar.

The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next. "I want to get weighed," she said once again.
By this time, Owen figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.

Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?"

Jane responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."

[bennythedip2]

Hi all

If anyone is interested, a friend of mine bought a ticket for the World Cup final in Russia without realizing the date coincided with that of his wedding.

Therefore, if anyone is free and wants to go in his place, the church is St. Stephen's at Dagenham and the bride's name is Cheryl

[bennythedip2]

ITALIAN POKER CLUB


Six retired Italian Floridian fellows were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when Guido loses $1,000 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table....

Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five continue playing, but standing up.

At the end of the game, Giovanni looks around and asks, "So, who's gonna' tell his wife?"

They cut the cards. Pasquale picks the low card and has to carry the news. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don’t make a bad situation any worse.

"Discreet? I’m the most discreet person you'll ever meet. Discretion is my middle name. Leave it to me!"

So, Pasquale goes over to the Guido's condo and knocks on the door The wife answers through the door and asks what he wants?

Pasquale declares: "Your husband just lost $1,000 in a poker game and is afraid to come home."

"Tell him to drop dead!" yells the wife.

“O'K, I'll go tell him." says Pasquale.

[Part-Timer]

For those inclined for this type of thing I have found a great new porn site, it's called Origami. The only problem with it is it's paper view

[bennythedip2]

After being married for thirty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her.

He looked at her for a while, and then said,
"You're an alphabet wife .... A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K."

She asks ... "What the hell does that mean?"

He said;

"Adorable,

Beautiful,

Cute,

Delightful,

Elegant,

Fabulous,

Gorgeous,

And Hot".

She smiled happily and said ... "Oh, that's so lovely, but what about I, J, K?"

He said, "I'm Just Kidding!"

The swelling in his eye is going down and the doctor is fairly optimistic about saving his testicles.

Keep smiling!

[bennythedip2]

All this 'Mularkey' where people and the Banks keep telling me that Paper is dead -
Oh Really? https://youtu.be/V_gOZDWQj3Q