Benny the Dip is Unwell !!

bennythedip2 · #**141** May 18th, 2010, 16:28

THE ITALIAN WEDDING TEST

I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we

decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very

tight mini skirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near

me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was

alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she

had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once

before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.

She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.'

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lord... And behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our

little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'

And the moral of this story is:

Always keep your condoms in your car.

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Pkrplaya · #**142** May 18th, 2010, 16:53

Good one

bennythedip2 · #**143** May 19th, 2010, 18:30

.... But that good oldie "The Streak" Ray Stevens !!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1KHOeVeCbFA

still funny after all this time !!

bennythedip2 · #**144** May 19th, 2010, 18:46

Ok but I like it !!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J1_JJiaAwqk

bennythedip2 · #**145** May 19th, 2010, 19:28

God and the Biker ...

A man on his Harley was riding along a California beach when
suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, God
said, 'because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will
grant you one wish.'

The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can
ride over anytime I want.'

God replied, 'Your request is materialistic; think of the enormous
challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required
reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it
would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your
desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of
something that could possibly help mankind.'

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'God,
I wish that I, and all men, could understand women; I want to know
how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the
silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says
nothing's wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and
how I can make a woman truly happy.

God replied:

'You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

bennythedip2 · #**146** May 23rd, 2010, 19:23

The Cremated Husband

Martha recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home.
Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the patio table.
Then, while tracing her fingers in the ashes, she started talking to him....
'Herman, you know that dishwasher you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money!'
She paused for a minute tracing her fingers in the ashes then said,
'Herman, remember that car you promised me?
Well, I also bought it with the insurance money!'
Again, she paused for a few minutes and while tracing her fingers in the ashes she said,
'Herman, that diamond ring you promised me? Bought it too, with the insurance money!'
Finally, still tracing her fingers in the ashes,
She said,
'Herman, remember that blow job I promised you?'

'Here it comes.'

bennythedip2 · #**147** May 26th, 2010, 20:58

Now no names mentioned BUT,

Tomorrow is the 10th annual 'blow job' contest' and we ask that you stay at home ,

so that a girl can win it this time

Thanks CHAMP !!

bennythedip2 · #**148** May 29th, 2010, 17:27

Two radical Arab terrorists boarded a flight out of London for Sydney.

One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat.
Just before take off a rabbi sat down in the aisle seat.

After takeoff, the rabbi kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was
settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, 'I need to get up and
get a coke.'
' Don't get up,' said the rabbi, 'I'm in the aisle seat, I'll get it for
you.'

As soon as he left, one of the Arabs picked up the rabbi`s shoe and spat
in it. When the rabbi returned with the coke, the other Arab said, 'That
looks good. I'd really like one, too.'

Again, the rabbi obligingly went to fetch it. While he was gone, the other
Arab picked up the rabbi`s other shoe and spat in it.

When the rabbi returned, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.
As the plane was landing, the rabbi slipped his feet into his shoes
and knew immediately what had happened.

He leaned over and asked his Arab neighbours,

"Why does it have to be this way?

How long must this go on?

This fighting between our nations?

This hatred?

This animosity?

This, where you are spitting in our shoes

and us .....

..............Keep pissing in your cokes?"

......

Pkrplaya · #**149** May 29th, 2010, 18:50

Lol benny

bennythedip2 · #**150** June 6th, 2010, 15:48

A woman on her deathbed called her husband to her side and asked him to open a box under the bed.
Inside he found 3 eggs and £7000 in cash .

"Whats the eggs for ?" Asks the husband.....
She replied,
"every time we had 'crap' sex, I would put an egg in the box ...
"Not bad", says the husband, "3 eggs in 35 years" ...... "and the cash?" he asks....

The wife looked up and said,

"Every time I got a dozen I sold them" !!