Benny the Dip is Unwell !!

Part-Timer · #**181** November 11th, 2010, 18:57

Thank God it isn't Mary Poppins

bennythedip2 · #**182** November 14th, 2010, 19:12

The spoon

A lesson on how consultants can make a difference in an organization.

Last week, we took some friends to a new restaurant, ' Steve 's Place,' and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.

It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket.

Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I inquired, 'Why the spoon?'

'Well, 'he explained, 'the restaurant's owner hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all of our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour.

If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.'

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his spare. 'I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.' I was impressed.

I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly.

Looking around, I saw that all of the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So, before he walked off, I asked the waiter, 'Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?'

'Oh, certainly!' Then he lowered his voice. 'Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can save time in the restroom.

By tying this string to the tip of our you-know-what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39%.

I asked quietly,
'After you get it out, how do you put it back?'

'Well,' he whispered,

'I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon.'

bennythedip2 · #**183** November 21st, 2010, 16:38

..This brought back some memories, well worth a view, documentary in 10 parts ..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kSDMRjBjKIg

The Real Buddy Holly Story 1 of 10

The complete, video biography of rock 'n' roll legend Buddy Holly, produced and hosted by Paul McCartney. This entertaining and enlightening show is the most definitive biography of Buddy Holly ever assembled, featuring interviews with members of The Crickets and many of Buddy Holly's family and friends ..

Tony2005 · #**184** November 21st, 2010, 17:36

I havnt visited this thread for a while but glad i caught up as some very entertaining posts .....

Keep up the good work guys....

bennythedip2 · #**185** December 31st, 2010, 16:13

An elderly man really took care of his body. He lifted weights and jogged six miles every day.

One morning he looked into the mirror, admiring his body, and noticed that he was suntanned all over with the exception of his penis.

So he decided to do something about that.

He went to the beach, undressed completely and buried himself in the sand, except for his penis, which he left sticking out of the sand.

A bit later, two little old ladies came strolling along the beach, one using a cane to help her get along. Upon seeing the thing sticking out of the sand, the lady with the cane began to move the penis around with her cane.

Remarking to the other little old lady, she said: "There really is no justice in the world."

The other little old lady asked: "What do you mean by that?"

The first little old lady replied: "Look at that. When I was 20, I was curious about it. When I was 30, I enjoyed it. When I was 40, I asked for it. When I was 50, I paid for it. When I was 60, I prayed for it. When I was 70, I forgot about it. Now that I' m 80, the damned things are growing wild,

and,

I'm too old to squat."

bennythedip2 · #**186** January 2nd, 2011, 14:40

One in the white trousers lol
TT 2
www.youtube.com

ohhh fck it dont work (sorry peeps)

Part-Timer · #**187** January 18th, 2011, 09:08

Did you hear about the fat, alcoholic transvestite - All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary

Got an e-mail today from a bored local housewife, 43, who was looking for some hot action!
So I sent her my ironing. That'll keep the lazy woman busy.

I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack
wasn't what they had in mind.

After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex Bill woke up to find himself next to a really ugly woman.
That's when he realised he had made it home safely.

Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on Friday this year". Mick said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th then."

My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 5 hours to hoover the house. Turns out she was a Slovak

I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.

After years of research, scientists have discovered what makes women happy. Nothing.

A lad comes home from school and excitedly tells his dad that he had a part in the school play and he was playing
a man who had been married for 25 years. The dad says, "Never mind son, maybe next year you'll get a speaking part."

Just had my water bill of £175 drop on my mat. That's a lot. Oxfam can supply a whole African village for
just £2 a month: time to change supplier I think.

2 women called at my door and asked what bread I ate, when I said white they gave me a lecture on the
benefits of brown bread for 30 minutes.. I think they were Hovis Witnesses.

johncb · #**188** January 18th, 2011, 17:10

Hows it going guys I was bored last night and went into this thread and some very entertaining joke s I must say. So this is were you hide out guys lol don't worry Benny i wont spam this thread with losing tips, and i wont tell anyone about it ha ha.

And here is me thinking a few weeks back this thing about bennys unwell i thought you were really sick you joker.

Anyway i know youre a polite guy we all need a place to let off steam.

Talk soon.

bennythedip2 · #**189** January 18th, 2011, 18:47

Quote:

Originally Posted by johncb

Hows it going guys I was bored last night and went into this thread and some very entertaining joke s I must say. So this is were you hide out guys lol don't worry Benny i wont spam this thread with losing tips, and i wont tell anyone about it ha ha.

And here is me thinking a few weeks back this thing about bennys unwell i thought you were really sick you joker.

Anyway i know youre a polite guy we all need a place to let off steam.

Talk soon.

John .. We all have a skeleton in a cupboard somewhere, this is my cupboard you might say, It all came from when I went to the theatre to see, Peter O'Toole in 'Geoffrey Bernard Is Unwell'

He's was a racing journalist for the Weekender and Sporting Life back in the days of Lester Piggott and Co (70-80's) He had some fantastic stories, loved a drink but sadly no longer here .....
Peter O'Toole in the show > www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=77138945088

johncb · #**190** January 18th, 2011, 19:42

I had a look at the link Benny I get what you mean now hes a funny guy I must admit i hadnt heard of him before its obviously a video from a while ago. I suppose we need more comedians and comics like him about in todays times.
Yeah get a bit sick of the doom and gloom of current affairs.

Talk soon Benny

John.