Benny the Dip is Unwell !!

[bennythedip2]

Paddy McCoy, an elderly Irish farmer, received a letter from the Department for Work & Pensions, stating that they suspected he was not paying his employees the statutory minimum wage and they would send an inspector to interview them.

On the appointed day, the inspector turned up.
"Tell me about your staff," he asked Paddy.

"Well," said Paddy, "there’s the farm hand, I pay him £240 a week, and he has a free cottage.

Then there’s the housekeeper. She gets £190 a week, along with free board and lodging.

There’s also the half-wit. He works a 16 hour day, does 90% of the work, earns about £25 a week along with a bottle of whisky and, as a special treat, occasionally gets to sleep with my wife."





"That’s disgraceful" said the inspector,
"I need to interview the half-wit."












"That’ll be me then," said Paddy.

[bennythedip2]

Cheap flights . book here..
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HPyl2tOaKxM

[bennythedip2]

A man went to the doctor's office to ask for a double dose of Viagra.
The doctor told him that he couldn't allow him a double dose.

"Why not?" asked the man.

"Because it's not safe," replied the doctor.

"But I need it really bad," said the man.

"Well, why do you need it so badly?" asked the doctor.

The man said, "My girlfriend is coming into town on Friday; my ex-wife
will be here on Saturday; and my wife is coming home on Sunday. Can't
you see? I must have a double dose."

The doctor finally relented saying, "Okay, I'll give it to you, but you
have to come in on Monday morning so that I can check you to see if
there are any side effects."

On Monday, the man dragged himself in; his right arm in a sling.

The doctor asked,
"What happened to you?"

The man said,

"No one showed up" !!


..

[bennythedip2]

12 of the finest (unintentional) double-entendres ever aired on British TV and radio:�


1. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - 'This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother.'

2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator - 'Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him.'

3. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - 'And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria . I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!'

4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - 'Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew.'

5. US PGA Commentator - 'One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. Oh my god !! What have I just said??'

6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team Live' said: 'You'd eat beaver if you could get it.'

7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, 'So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?' Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!

8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: 'Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday.'

9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on 'Look North' said: 'There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this.'

10 Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on 'Sky Sports': 'Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets.'

11. Michael Buerk on watching Philippa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: 'They seem cold out there. They're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts.'

12.. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: 'Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny; other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.'

[Part-Timer]

The greatest of them all is from Brian Johnston, the cricketing great:-

The bowlers Holding the batsman Willey

[Pkrplaya]

I remember why I stopped playing much poker after this vid.
Im sure this will look familiar. Should give it a language warning first 18.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Ilzn...layer_embedded

[bennythedip2]

I think he's jinxed bit like me at the moment

[bennythedip2]

During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?"

"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup."




"No" he said. "A normal person would pull the plug" !!!

" Do you want a bed near the window?"





ARE YOU GOING TO PASS THIS ON, OR DO YOU WANT THE BED NEXT TO MINE?

[bennythedip2]

Larry Is In The Hospital


Who in the hell is Larry?


Well Larry is the guy who gets home late one night and Linda, his wife, says "Where the hell have you been?" Larry replies "I was out getting a tattoo!"


"A tattoo"? she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?"


"I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates" he said proudly.


"What the hell were you thinking"? she said, shaking her head in disgust. "Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his privates?"


"Well, one, I like to watch my money grow. Two, once in a while I like to play with my money. Three, I like how money feels in my hand. And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want."






Larry is in the Hospital, room 233.

[Pkrplaya]

LOL