Benny the Dip is Unwell !!

bennythedip2 · #**211** May 26th, 2011, 22:22

When I was in the pub last night I overheard a couple of dikheads saying that they wouldn't feel safe on an aircraft if they knew the pilot was a woman!

What a pair of sexist twats.

I mean, it's not as if she'd have to reverse the fcking thing!

bennythedip2 · #**212** May 27th, 2011, 16:29

How shocked was I when i first listened to these guys,

.. amazed doesn't even come close ..

Absolutely brilliant

http://www.interscope.com/artist/pla...=6314&aid=1200

bennythedip2 · #**213** May 28th, 2011, 23:12

THE HILLBILLY VASECTOMY

After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.
So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.
The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive.
'A less costly alternative,' said the doctor, 'is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in Alabama ) light it, put it in a beer can (COORS), then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10.'

The Alabamian said to the doctor,
'I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me.'

'Trust me,' said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can, he then held the can up to his ear and began to count!

'1'
'2'
'3'
'4'
'5'

( you'll love this...)

At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand.

This procedure also works in Tennessee , Kentucky , Louisiana , Arkansas , Mississippi , Parts of Georgia, Missouri ,West Virginia ,and ...
All of Washington DC .

bennythedip2 · #**214** June 2nd, 2011, 15:21

IRISH CHRISTENING

Patrick's pregnant sister was in a terrible car accident and went into a deep coma. After being in the coma for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant.

Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.

The doctor replies,
'Ma'am, you had twins ... a boy and a girl. The babies are fine, however, they were poorly at birth,and had to be christened immediately so your brother Patrick came in and named them' !

The woman thinks to herself,
' Oh suffering Jesus, no, not me brother, he's a clueless idiot '

...

Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor,
' Well, what's my daughter's name?'

'Denise' says the doctor.

The new mother is somewhat relieved,
'Wow, that's a beautiful name, I guess I was wrong about my brother', she thought ...'I really like Denise '

Then she asks,
' What's the boy's name?'

(wait for it)

The doctor replies,

' Denephew ' !!

bennythedip2 · #**215** June 18th, 2011, 23:16

I was driving to work this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up.

The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable ...

I thought to myself

'that guy's heading for a breakdown' !!

bennythedip2 · #**216** July 3rd, 2011, 19:15

An old guy (not in the best of shape) was working out in the gym
when he spotted a sweet young thing.

He asked the trainer, "What machine in here should I use to impress
that sweet thing over there?"

The trainer looked him up and down and said;

"I would try the ATM in the lobby".......

bennythedip2 · #**217** July 3rd, 2011, 19:22

Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married....
The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls.'
I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!'

Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily.
Around 3 a..m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up
and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another
9 times.
I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted
solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him.
(Even when totally smashed.... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals = 12 cuckoos MIDNIGHT!)

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him
'MIDNIGHT'... he didn't seem pissed off in the least.
Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said
'We need a new cuckoo clock.'
When I asked him why, he said,
'Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said 'oh shit.' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted!!

bennythedip2 · #**218** July 3rd, 2011, 20:06

Oh BRITAIN, where did we go wrong?

We're "broke" and can't help our own seniors, Veterans, Orphans, and Homeless etc.?

Are you aware of the following?

The British Government provides the following financial assistance: -

BRITISH OLD AGED PENSIONER (bearing in mind they worked hard and paid their Income Tax and National Insurance contributions to the British government all their working life) Weekly allowance: £106.00
IMMIGRANTS/REFUGEES LIVING IN BRITAIN (No Income Tax and National Insurance contribution whatsoever) Weekly allowance: £250.00

BRITISH OLD AGED PENSIONER Weekly Spouse allowance: £25.00
ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS/REFUGEES LIVING IN BRITAIN Weekly Spouse allowance: £225.00

BRITISH OLD AGED PENSIONER Additional weekly hardship allowance £0.00
ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS/REFUGEES LIVING IN BRITAIN Additional weekly hardship allowance £100.00
A British old age pensioner is no less hard up than an illegal immigrant/refugee yet receives nothing

BRITISH OLD AGED PENSIONER TOTAL YEARLY BENEFIT £6,000
ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS/REFUGEES LIVING IN BRITAIN TOTAL YEARLY BENEFIT: £29,900

Please read all and then forward to all your contacts so that we can lobby for a decent state pension.

After all, the average pensioner has paid taxes and contributed to the growth of this country for the last 40 to 60 years.

Sad isn't it? It’s about time we put our own people first.

Most people won't have the guts to forward this.

bennythedip2 · #**219** July 12th, 2011, 16:44

How the Germans do an advert for 'Siemens Washer 269 euro' on the borders of Denmark ..
(thanks Dave, love it) http://www.m2film.dk/fleggaard/trailer2.swf

http://www.m2film.dk/fleggaard/trailer2.swf
www.m2film.dk

bennythedip2 · #**220** July 13th, 2011, 20:56

Murdoch and Brooks withdraw the BSkyeB bid !!

Not to worry, the next project is nearly ready s

see 'pic' below