Benny the Dip is Unwell !!

[bennythedip2]

This is brilliant

I couldn't believe it, check it out. This Website is amazing. They actually have photographs of almost every School in the World.

Unless you went to School when cameras weren't invented, you will find a photo of yourself or at least your classmates.

Click on the link below or type it into your search line. You have to enter the name of your school and Year that you were there.

Give it a go..... They Found Me!


www.worldschoolphotographs.com

[taylormade]

you little monkey benny,im a busy guy

[bennythedip2]

Originally Posted by taylormade

you little monkey benny,im a busy guy

yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[bennythedip2]

Started a new job today !!


After landing my new job as a B&Q greeter - a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day

About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities and swearing at them all the way through the entrance.


As I had been instructed, I said, pleasantly,
"Good morning and welcome to B&Q", I then said,
"Nice children you have there. Are they twins" ? The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say,
"Hell no, they ain't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7",
"Why the hell would you think they're twins"?
"Are you blind, or just stupid" ?
So I replied,
"I'm neither blind nor stupid, Madam. I just couldn't believe someone shagged you twice" ~~~
"Have a good day and thank you for shopping at B&Q"


My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work

[bennythedip2]

A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch in the rocking chair wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down.
'Grandpa, what are you doing? Your weenie is out in the wind for everyone to see!' he exclaimed.
The old man looked off in the distance without answering.
'Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?' he asked again.
The old man slowly looked at him and said,


'Well....last week I sat out here with no shirt on and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma's idea.'

[bennythedip2]

Oh that didnt work ~~ sorry :((

[bennythedip2]

Last Friday I was playing live at my friends poker club TC's in Berks, and got talking to an old service man 'Charley', who asked me how my friend 'ships' was these days living in Newmarket ?
"Oh he's fine, still with the horses, which some might find strange with his background in the merchant Navy, and yourself, how about you", I said ?

Now at this stage we were playing next to each other on the same table, and the 'young guns' were busy giving it the large with the poker verbal while we just smiled ~

Now some of you'll appreciate where this is going as some, but NOT all young people forget that older people had a career before they retired !
So Charley, told me he is a new 'Retiree-greeter' at Asda, however just couldn't seem to get to work on time.
Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late.
But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly" policies.

One day the boss called him into the office for a talk.
"Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a
bang-up job when you finally get here; but your being late so often is quite bothersome."
"Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it."
"Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear."
"Yes sir, I understand your concern and I'll try harder."
Seeming puzzled, the manager went on to comment,
"It's odd though your coming in late. I know you're retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say to you there if you showed up in the morning so late and so often?"
I looked at him and said,
"What did you say then ?"

Old Charley looked down at the floor, then smiled.
He chuckled quietly, then said with a grin,

"They usually saluted and said, 'Good morning, Admiral, can I get your coffee, Sir ?'"









That is now one of my favourite stories, ever!

[bennythedip2]

The Electronic ... (4 Mb);

[bennythedip2]

The United Way realized that it had never received a donation from the
city's most successful lawyer. So a United Way volunteer paid the lawyer a
visit in his lavish office.


The volunteer opened the meeting by saying,
"Our research shows that even
though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity.
Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community through the United Way?"


The lawyer thinks for a minute and says,
"First, did your research also show you that
my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and she has huge medical bills
that are far beyond her ability to pay?"


Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbles,
"Uh . . . no, I didn't know that."
"Secondly," says the lawyer,
"did it show that my brother, a disabled veteran,
is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children?"


The stricken United Way rep begins to stammer an apology, but is cut off again.


"Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister's husband died in dreadful car accident,
leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children, one of whom is disabled
and another who has learning disabilities requiring an array of private tutors?"


The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, says,
"I'm so sorry, I had no idea."

And the lawyer says,

"So .. . . if I didn't give any money to them,
what the f ck makes you think I'd give any to you?"

[bennythedip2]

Two Irish hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose.

They managed to bag 6.

As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could take only 4 moose.

The two lads objected strongly.

'Last year we got six. The pilot let us take them all and he had the same plane as yours.'

Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded.

However, even on full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down.

Somehow, surrounded by the moose bodies, Paddy and Mick survived the crash.

After climbing out of the wreckage, Paddy asked Mick,

'Any idea where we are?'

Mick replied,

'I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year.'