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#461
November 11th, 2015, 20:40
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One for Part Timer..........
 I came home from the pub really drunk last night. As I staggered into the living room and sat down on the sofa, my wife looked at me and said, "Can't you just go out and have a couple of drinks?" "Of course I can," I replied, standing back up. "Just let me get my coat." 
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.. The July Festival Tipster Starts Thursday... .. 
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#463
November 14th, 2015, 15:37
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A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class:
"What do you want to be when you grow up?" Little Larry says: "I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest whore, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card,and all the while banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."  The teacher, shocked  and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Larry, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson."And how about you, Sarah?" "I wanna be Larry’s whore." ... 
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Sell crazy someplace else, we're all stocked up here. 
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#469
December 1st, 2015, 15:28
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One time I got sick and landed in the hospital.
There was this one nurse that just drove me crazy. Every time she came in, she would talk to me like I was a little child. She would say in a patronizing tone of voice, "and how are we doing this morning?" Or.... 'are we ready for a bath?' Or... "are we hungry?" I had had enough of this particular nurse. One day at breakfast, I took the apple juice off the tray and put it in my bedside stand. Later I was given a urine sample bottle to fill for testing. So you know where the juice went! The nurse came in a while later, picked up the urine sample bottle, looked at it and said, 'My, my, it seems we are a little cloudy today' ?  At this, I snatched the bottle out of her hand, popped off the top, and gulped it down, saying, "Well, I'll run it through again. Maybe I can filter it better this time!"  The nurse fainted... ... And I just smiled! DON'T MESS WITH OLD PEOPLE... you'll lose every time! 
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Sell crazy someplace else, we're all stocked up here.
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