Benny the Dip is Unwell !!

[bennythedip2]

Right over the border of Northern Germany in Denmark there are a couple of "Fleggaard" supermarkets (belonging to the Costco family) where you really find everything your heart craves, especially high tech and household appliances; a lot cheaper than in Germany. For this commercial, more than 100 skydiver women jumped from a transport plane, you see them in free fall forming the ad text: "SIEMENS washing machine for only 269 Euros".


Called "quite simply the best commercial ever made" by a respected advertising expert.


http://player.vimeo.com/video/574680...d=media-player

[bennythedip2]

Needed to rant!!!

What the actual **** !!!!!!��������

I have just left Asda and I have NEVER been so disgusted in all my life...
The nerve of some people OMG I am fuming!!!! ���� anyways Picked up a basket started walking around to get a few things and I noticed this lady was staring at me in the same aisle I was in. No big deal. I moved to the next aisle and here she comes. Again... STARING AT ME! So now I'm like, "What the **** is her problem?!"
I finish up our shopping and head to the tills. Guess who is there ahead of me? The staring lady!! She turns around and starts staring at me again. So I start playing with my phone because at this point it's getting weird and really uncomfortable! Finally she says, "I want to apologize for staring at you, but you look just like my Son who passed away."
I thought to myself, "It makes sense now." I felt kind of bad for thinking she was a weirdo and said, "Sorry for your loss." She says, "Thank you...but I have a favor to ask. I know it's weird and I'll understand if you don't want to, but can you give me a hug and say 'Bye Mum!?' I was like what the **** , but I know people have different ways of getting over a loss so I went ahead and did it.
She smiled and thanked me, and left at this point i was like as if thats just happened. Anyway the cashier rings up my stuff and the total comes out to £100.87 and I'm like, what the **** !
I just bought a few things and I knew it should have been like £20. The women then tells me that my total was included with my mums. I'm like, "WTH?!" She said, "Your mum said you were paying for her stuff along with your things. I told her that that woman was NOT my mum. She said, "Well I saw you hug her and heard you call her mum!
I'm like OMG! I can't believe this! I flew out of the store looking for this awful woman, ready to drag her back in the store by her hair!!! I seen her putting her shopping in the boot and I started running towards her. She saw me and jumped in her car so fast. I got to her just as she was putting her leg in, and I started pulling her leg. She struggled but I kept pulling then her prosthetic leg came off right in my hands!!

Im thinking, OMG! Is this really happening right now?!
So I dropped the prosthetic leg and grabbed her other leg and started pulling...




Just like I'm pulling yours right now!

[bennythedip2]

This is a genuine advert from 1964 when WD-40 was first released.



Their advertising department had a wonderful way with words !!??

[Part-Timer]

http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=...AP&PC=RIMBINGD

Don't think this would be allowed over here. The company behind it originally said the Western press were being over sensitive when they branded it racist

[bennythedip2]

Two Ladies Were Talking In Heaven.

What The Second Woman Concluded In The End Is Pure Gold.


1st woman: Hi, Wanda!

2nd woman: Hi, Sylvia! How’d you die?

1st woman: I froze to death.

2nd woman: How horrible!

1st woman: It wasn’t so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy. Eventually I died a peaceful death. What about you?

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early so that I could catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman: So, what happened?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking.

I ran up into the attic and searched. Then I scurried down into the basement.

After that, I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere!

Finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.


1st woman: Too bad you didn’t look in the freezer.!! - We’d both still be alive.

[bennythedip2]

A RIDE IN THE TAXI

A woman and her twelve-year-old son were riding in a taxi in Detroit. It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under awnings.

"Mom," said the boy, "what are all those women doing?"

"They're waiting for their husbands to get off work," she replied.

The taxi driver turns around and says,
"Geez lady, why don't you tell him the Truth? They're hookers, boy!
They have sex with men for money."

The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true Mom?"

His mother, glaring hard at the driver, answers in the affirmative.

After a few minutes, the kid asks, "Mom, if those women have babies, what happens to them?"

She smiled and said; "Most of them become taxi drivers!!!" .

[bennythedip2]

A little girl is sitting by the road with a wicker basket and sign which reads FREE KITTENS

A large car pulls up and David Cameron gets out and walks up to the little girl
"How old are your kittens?" he asks

The little girls says "They're only a few days old, their eyes aren't open yet"
What kind of kittens are they" asks David Cameron

"They're Remain in the EU kittens" says the little girl
Cameron sees a PR opportunity and asks if the little girl will be there the next day. She says she will be so he drives back to Downing Street,
meets with his advisers and starts making phone calls

The next day the little girl is there again, and Cameron's car turns up followed by a convoy of cars and trucks. There is the BBC, ITV, Sky, CNN
and all the UK papers
They all get out and set up their camers and so on, and Cameron goes up to the little girl
"Hello, again" he says "would you mind telling all my friends what kind of kittens you have?"

"They're Brexit kittens" says the little girl
Cameron is horrified and says "Yesterday you said they were Remain in the EU kittens!"

"I know" says the little girl "But that was yesterday, today their eyes are open

[bennythedip2]

After the game in the Euro's Bobby Charlton was asked how he thought the England team of '66 would have fared against Iceland.

" I think we'd have won 1-0 " he replied.

"Only 1-0?" Retorted the reporter.


"Yes," said Bobby. "Most of us are in our 70's now!"

[bennythedip2]

REPLACEMENT WINDOWS

Last year
I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive, double-pane, energy-efficient kind.

Today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them.

He complained that the work had been completed a year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.

Hellloooo,............just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid.

So, I told him just what his fast-talking sales guy told me last year...
that these windows would pay for themselves in a year,,,

Helllooooo?
It's been a year, so they're paid for, I told him..

There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally hung up. He never called back.
I bet he felt like an idiot.

[bennythedip2]

Police Report of the Year

The Richland, WA Police report finding a man's body in the Columbia River,
near the confluence of the Yakima River, at Columbia park.

The dead man's name will not be released until his family has been notified.

The victim apparently drowned due to excessive marijuana consumption.

He was wearing black fishnet stockings, a red garter belt, a pink G-string, a strap-on dildo, purple lipstick, and a 'Hillary for President' T-shirt.
He also had a cucumber in his rectum.

The police removed the Hillary T-shirt to spare his family any unnecessary embarrassment.

In spite of what we sometimes think, the Police do care.